We were out at Springbok again tonight.  As usual, a great time had by all.  It happened to be my birthday yesterday, so everybody and their mother was buying me drinks.  Hot mothers, that is…we’re talking MILF status, for sure.

Springbok is a really nice, chill spot.  It caters to a wide variety of people, full of shenanigans,  And we all know how much I adore shenanigans.  I live, breathe, eat and shit shenanigans, so it is definitely the spot for me.  If you recall, I wrote about my last time there, which ended in a massive cockblock.  Tonight was not looking great, but turned out pretty sweet.

I was talking up this chick, that happened to have a boyfriend.  Usually I call bullshit on the boyfriend card, until they have undeniable proof there is one.  Why, you ask?  Well, in my experience, even the chicks that are in to you, will pull the boyfriend card, just to keep themselves “safe,” whatever that means.  But tonight, I was chatting up this cutie pie named Corissa.  She was pretty into me, but was saying she had a boyfriend.  Of course, like any red-blooded American, I called shenanigans on the spot.

Low-and-behold, Corissa’s boyfriend shows up.  What a kick in the nuts.  But I’m not phased.  I am the Redmanthatcould, afterall.  Like the Marines, I don’t die – I just go to titty hell and regroup.  So I am outside, waiting to call it a night, and what do I see?  Yep, you called it – Mandy is outside!  So in about six seconds, I call Mandy over, and she tells me how it is.

Apparently the night after I tried to chat up Mandy the last time, she broke ties off with her boyfriend.  Can I get a “score!” from the audience?  Nice!  So of course, I swoop in like the absolute stud I am.  Mandy text me her number, and we are all set.  Need I remind everyone that Mandy had an amazing set of tits, cute face, and banging body all around.  She is probably DTF (down to fuck, for those of us not in the know), so I am ready and waiting.

My time has come, Mandy.  This will be an adventure, no doubt.   And as always, good times at Springbok.  Amen!

This story is brought to you by The Good Reverend.  What I experienced that day is not for the faint of heart…keep that in mind before you read on…

We had a number of odd or unsettling people who worked with us on the graveyard shift, and with them came many stories of incest, shame and plenty of shenanigans.  Little did I know that one of those stories would bring the worst visualization I have ever been exposed to; its lasting affects have completely ruined two of America’s favorite food and drink items – chicken and apple juice.

It started out just like any other lunch time…some people left to their local fast food joint for a burger, some brought their own food, some broke out their 20-sided die and fake plastic swords.  I, for one, went to my local Subway for a delicious foot-long treat (non-homo).  When I returned, I was greeted by the sight of one of our larger co-workers, who decided to visit the local super market for a bounty of flavor.  When she sat down and situated herself, before her sat two items…a large bottle of apple juice and an entire rotisserie chicken.

Bounty of Flavor

Many of us had our doubts that she would be able to complete this meal of epic proportions, but my god, we were wrong…dead fucking wrong.  She made a mockery of the chicken; it was a tornado of fingers, grease and teeth.  After 10 minutes of shame and hate, all that was left was the skeletal remains of a chicken with small bits of meat still connected to the harder-to-reach areas.

To wash down this spoil of poultry?  Nothing but 24 ounces of sweet sweet apple juice.

Before all of the apple juice could be put to use, however, disaster struck and our friend was called away to do ungodly things in the restroom (talking about poop).  What came next has stayed with me to this day.

From across the room, I heard a combination of laughing and gagging I had never heard before.  Normally, you would hear a sound like this if you were stuck in an elevator, you really liked fart jokes, and another person in the elevator just sat there for half an hour farting – over and over – until the smell was enough to make you light-headed.  Not one to be left in the dark, I went over to check out what the deal was.  I was greeted by an awful site.

Imagine if you will, a bottle of half-drunken apple juice, and on top of said apple juice…

…A thin layer of little bits of chicken, half-chewed chicken…mixed in with the half-chewed little bits of chicken, are larger chunks of half-chewed chicken…

Poor Chicken

To this day, I cannot think of those two delicious items in the same place at the same time.  Apart they are fine…together, I vomit.

- The Good Reverend

You may know what this blog will be about, after reading the title.  If you do, you are certainly blessed.  If you don’t, however, you are still blessed for having stumbled upon my blog.  Now you will know the secret…now you will experience the pleasure.

What pleasure, you might wonder.  Don’t worry, I won’t let you down.  I’ll give you what you need, and when you need it.  What you need now is to find out about the most interesting man in the world, and when you need to find out is…now.

Dos Equis, a Mexican beer company, has been running a commercial series for the last couple of years, featuring a Latin man, of no modest background.  His list of accomplishments and abilities is longer than a wait at the DMV with no appointment.  Needless to say, every commercial is pure shenanigans.  Beautiful, unadulterated shenanigans.  So that you smell exactly what I’m cookin’, have a gander for yourself:

The character, portrayed in this commercial series, is played by Jonathan Goldsmith.  Will Lyman, of Frontline fame, is the sexy narrator.  After doing about 16 seconds of research, I also found out that there is a site dedicated to more shenanigans, but it is not nearly as funny or entertaining as the commercial series.  Check it out, but be forewarned that it is lame, borderline stupid.

If you recall, last week, I went on and on about how much Righteous Kill sucked.  So I got to thinking – could adding this character, into the movie, make it at least watchable?  Probably not.  I mean…seriously…Righteous Kill sucked some mean donkey dick.  Adding the most interesting man in the world would not make it worth the price of admission, even if you threw in a hand job from the hottest tranny hooker in the world.

This is probably my favorite commercial series of all time, which is not saying a whole lot, since most commercials are pretty pathetic.  I would have loved to have seen these commercials playing while Sports Night was on the air though.  Had they not canceled Sports Night, with these commercials running concurrently…shit…that might have made a compelling argument for me to keep watching television.

As I embark on round two of college, I have been feeling a lot more spry.  I am not sure if it is just that time of year, that my birthday is coming up in a couple weeks, or that I am now staring at a lot more cute, little Betties all-of-a-sudden.  I mean, who does not like a hot college girl, am I right?

I have definitely noticed it has been getting more and more intense over the last few weeks.  It’s not like my dick is bursting through my pants (well, shorts), but I can’t stop talking to anything with a vagina that walks by me.

Tall, short, thin, fat, big tits, small tits, nice ass, no ass, long legs, tree trunks, white, black, yellow, brown, speaks English, can’t spell “English,” likes boys, likes girls, likes dogs, smells good, needs to shower, old, young, rich, poor, hot, ugly…whatever.  My filter must be on the fritz, because my libido is going nuts.

It does not help that I am normally a pretty social creature, but you add in the fact that I am around all these new souls, and I am a wrecking machine.  In the past two weeks, I would guess that I have struck up conversations with 50+ random girls, only asked out about 5 of them (I guess when they start talking, my brain takes over), and got 1 phone number.

Law of averages: the more girls I talk to, the more likely one of them will be foolish enough to like my dumb jokes and poor taste in clothing.  This ridiculous adventure is most certainly shenanigans at it’s finest.

This past Wednesday as my second class meeting for my “Intro to Computers and their Uses” class.  After our first class session, I thought maybe I was just inviting some things in my brain…has to be a fluke…just has to be.  Luckily for me (and you, I hope), this will continue all semester long.

I don’t plan on interpreting or spinning any of the following; these are all direct quotes (or as close to it as I could write down) from my professor.  I will put necessary context in italics (in which case, his quotes will have quotation marks), but will do my best to let the quotes do the proverbial talking for me.  Enjoy.

……………

He says “Office two-oh-seven” instead of “Office two thousand and seven”

Pretend this is your syllabus.  It’s not there, but don’t ask me what happened.

Write that down…tattoo it on your forehead.

“I normally don’t do this” as he steps out to take a phone call; so far, this has happened 2 out of 2 sessions

If I just show you, and you don’t do it, you’ll only retain like 3%…that’s a given fact.

This computer put a bunch of junk on my own zip drive.  A bunch of garbage went on.

After I got divorced from my ex-wife, I wanted to see where she went…so I looked her up on White Pages dot com.

Don’t use auto-filling for your passwords (online)…you’ll get hacked, tapped, and screwed…that’s to put it lightly.

You’re like 98.8% secure, which is pretty good…now if I said 95%…now that’s another thing.

This is great info, but it’s a little boring…I use that very loosely.

On my spreadsheet, it’ll show me if you did it…so you can’t fudge it.

How do you wrap in Word?  No…not rap…what’s his name…G?…no…not that.

When you write in all capitals, it’s like yelling at the person…I bet 90% of you didn’t know that.  It’s like you’re saying, “Hey you!  I don’t like you!”

Student question – “Are you going to be in the lab?” Professor answers – “I have to be.  They pay me for that extra hour.”

……………

Hope you enjoyed that…I sure did hearing it first-hand.  I’m sure much of it was only funny because I heard it in person, but I don’t mind sharing in the hopes that you will take these shenanigans to heart.