So so so…Lots of stuff to talk about, in the wacky world of your lord & savior, World Chancellor Jefforiah the Valiant, but it’s late, and I have a flight to catch tomorrow. So I will keep this sweet, and as short as I can…but I’m already starting to ramble.
Anywho…this won’t be about me trimming my pubes. Although, I must admit, last time around I did a hell of a job. I’m not talking award-worthy…but maybe “honorable mention” – you know? OK.
About four weeks back, I heard about this thing called the “Master Cleanse”…which apparently has been around for 40 something years, but I’ve never heard of it. Let’s not forget I don’t get out much…what with world Chancelloring and all…it’s tough to keep up with every little thing – you dig? Cool.
So I think about doing the “Master Cleanse”, after reading up on it (all of 12-14 minutes), I check out the pricing, etc…it all seems pretty a-OK. I figured, if I do it and I die, then my family would collect on insurance, but if I do it and I live, then I’d finally have proof of my superhero status.
In a nutshell, the cleanse is a fasting diet, that consists of drinking lemonade, water, morning/evening laxatives…and that’s it. No food, no other liquids. That’s it. Read it again if you don’t believe me, but this time stop at “That’s it” and just skip this sentence completely. I know, I know…that’s not healthy, that’s dumb, that could kill you, that’s a gimmick…whatever whatever whatever. Listen – I was born to rule the world, so I don’t give one hair on one rat’s piece of shit what anyone else thinks about my dumb and extreme decisions – me me me.
They recommend that people do the fast for 7 to 12 days, but it could be done up to 40 days. I’m talking consecutive days, of course. I picked 18 days. Why’d I pick 18 days? 1.) Go fuck yourself if you didn’t get the hint from above, & 2.) It just worked out that I could do 18 days, have 3 days to come off the diet, and then head to the convention in Florida.
Was it hard? Heeeelllllooooo superheros love love love to eat. Did I cheat? No. Not even once? No. You sure, buddy? Yes. 18 days is a long time…not even one little itty bitty morsel? No and fuck you. Is it for everyone? Probably not, but then again, we aren’t all lords/saviors/world chancellors/superheros…go fig. Would I do it again? Yes. Will I do it again? Probably, but not any time soon. Am I the greatest? Duh.How much did you lose? I lost 26 pounds.
If, for whatever reason, you want to try it yourself and have any questions, feel free to ask. There’s a lot of pointers I picked up over the 18 days that might be universally applicable, plus I read things on their forum boards, etc etc.
It’s getting late, and I don’t feel I can sustain my charm and wit for much longer, so I think this is where you and I part. But my last two thoughts….
1.) Ashley – you are fucking awesome as shit for making me vegetable soup. If you ever need a left or a right nut, for whatever reason…lab work, research, etc – you can count on me.
2.) This is another plug for Ashley, ’cause someone cooking for me is unheard of, and deserves double thanks. If you don’t know Ashley, and you are totally bomb ass cool, then you should add her and read her blog – http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.ListAll&friendID=76700166. Note : no one will ever be as totally bomb ass cool as me, ’cause I am da bomb, but don’t feel as though you need to be at Jefforiah level.
That is all from my brain – MUAH!
