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I decided today that my least favorite part of college is having to pay for classes. Which makes Gonorrhea a very close second. I know I shouldn’t bitch, since I go to a community college now, and the tuition is less than 30 minutes with an ugly, tranny hooker. But still, it is money and time.

Money is pretty self-explanatory: it is X amount of dollars per units, so you just multiply X by the number of units you are taking. If that does not make sense, then just know you will be multiplying some dollar amount by 5, because 5 represents the 5 units of remedial math you will be taking, shit-for-brains.

The time part, however, is not quite as obvious. Most established colleges/porn sites, allow you to pay for everything on their website. Heaven forbid my community college allow that.  Assholes.

So like the lazy, dumbass I am, I wait until the day before they start enforcing the parking permits, to go pay for my classes. The reason this is significant is because in order to purchase a parking permit, you have to pay for your classes first. And in order not to walk a mile plus to get to your class, you have to park on campus, which requires a parking permit as of the second week of school. Sneaky bastards they are. But it makes perfect sense – why would they just sell you the permit?

What this means (OF COURSE!), is that there are a bunch of other lazy, dumbasses with the same plan.  Now I get to wait at the business office with 40 of my closest friends, at the line that would never end.

No need to fret though, since there were a couple good-looking Betties for me to perv at.  I looked them up-and-down for the majority of my time in the line, which made my spank bank material full for the evening’s festivities.

At least now I am done with all the administrative horseshit that goes along with taking classes.  Now comes the – not studying, missing class, forgetting to do assignements, and chasing tail – parts of college.  Sweet!

This past Wednesday as my second class meeting for my “Intro to Computers and their Uses” class.  After our first class session, I thought maybe I was just inviting some things in my brain…has to be a fluke…just has to be.  Luckily for me (and you, I hope), this will continue all semester long.

I don’t plan on interpreting or spinning any of the following; these are all direct quotes (or as close to it as I could write down) from my professor.  I will put necessary context in italics (in which case, his quotes will have quotation marks), but will do my best to let the quotes do the proverbial talking for me.  Enjoy.

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He says “Office two-oh-seven” instead of “Office two thousand and seven”

Pretend this is your syllabus.  It’s not there, but don’t ask me what happened.

Write that down…tattoo it on your forehead.

“I normally don’t do this” as he steps out to take a phone call; so far, this has happened 2 out of 2 sessions

If I just show you, and you don’t do it, you’ll only retain like 3%…that’s a given fact.

This computer put a bunch of junk on my own zip drive.  A bunch of garbage went on.

After I got divorced from my ex-wife, I wanted to see where she went…so I looked her up on White Pages dot com.

Don’t use auto-filling for your passwords (online)…you’ll get hacked, tapped, and screwed…that’s to put it lightly.

You’re like 98.8% secure, which is pretty good…now if I said 95%…now that’s another thing.

This is great info, but it’s a little boring…I use that very loosely.

On my spreadsheet, it’ll show me if you did it…so you can’t fudge it.

How do you wrap in Word?  No…not rap…what’s his name…G?…no…not that.

When you write in all capitals, it’s like yelling at the person…I bet 90% of you didn’t know that.  It’s like you’re saying, “Hey you!  I don’t like you!”

Student question – “Are you going to be in the lab?” Professor answers – “I have to be.  They pay me for that extra hour.”

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Hope you enjoyed that…I sure did hearing it first-hand.  I’m sure much of it was only funny because I heard it in person, but I don’t mind sharing in the hopes that you will take these shenanigans to heart.